Playing House

My dad text me on Friday and told me he was going out of town. He wanted to know if me, Jake, and the baby would stay at his house while he was away. I agreed so that someone was there to take care of his dog, puppy and fish. My brother stayed to keep me company while Jake was at work. However, my brother was usually across the street or upstairs. I really enjoyed having the whole house to ourselves instead of just the attic. When the baby fell asleep I could actually sit in another room and relax. He makes a lot of sounds in his sleep so I just stare at him when we're home. I would go check on him every few minutes, though. I didn't get to cook, which shockingly I wanted to, because everything in that house was way post the expiration date :( House sitting made me want a job ten times more because Jake always says that when I get a job we will move out. I just can't seem to get one in this darn economy. Vincent is discovering both his hands and feet right now and it's so cute when he just stares at them. What's Your Parenting Style?

Formula Feeding

I went to the wonderful amusement park known as Cedar Point, on Saturday. I left Vincent with my grandma for the day. I pumped roughly every four hours. However the next day, he kept crying after he was done eating. I went to pump my left boob as it  has a cut so I can't feed him on it. I only got half an oz. I decided in a few hours to check hire much the other was making. It gave me the same. No wonder he kept crying, his stomach was still empty. I had to change him over to formula to be sure he is eating enough. I never liked breastfeeding, it ties you down and makes your boobs uncomfortable. Even if that wasn't the case, Vincent only lets me hold him when he eats. Now that we switched to formula, I'm afraid that since anyone can feed him that he won't want me any more. So I just keep crying on and off today. It's not bad enough that I keep thinking about how bad formula is compared to breastmilk. I am not dissing anyone that does formula feeding, its just breastmilk is healthier. At least when I gave him the first bottle of formula he seemed happy.

Feeling like a single mom

I just have to say single moms deserve a lot more credit than they get. I live with my boyfriend and we're always together. Yet, I am still taking care of the baby alone. I understand he goes to work super early in the morning, so that's why he don't help at night. However, he is usually home around noon. Thats 8-10 hours that he could help me and let me get a break but he rather play video games. He gets one day off a week, hasn't been home on that day since Vincent was born. He's always volunteering to help remodel his brothers house. The other day we were at the store and some how him not helping came up in conversation. He said he's always at work so it's not his fault. I simply replied 'You are home an entire day once a week' he turned to me and said 'what use my one day to myself?' Obviously I wanted to punch him in the face but since e were in the check out I just yelled 'where the hell is my day to myself?' He didn't reply until we got out to the car with 'if you want a day to yourself take him to your grandmas, they volunteered to watch him when ever'
I feel like he doesn't understand. He got me a mothers day card that made it sound like he understands but then the very next day did that! Everytime I tell him I need him to help more he laughs like I'm joking. Then tells me to just ask if I need help. When I ask for help he doesn't do it!

Btw he asked what I'm doing I told him I'm updating my blog. He asked how much bad stuff about him I put on here. I told him a lot and he laughed. So he knows how much he upsets me.

My First Mothers Day

This morning at 4:30am I woke up and realised I fell asleep feeding Vincent. I laid my hand on his stomach like I always do when he sleeps with me. I noticed he wasn't breathing. I started patting him and jiggling him trying to wake him up. This is when I start crying. I picked him up as I was going to wake Jake but as I picked him up he opened his eyes and started crying. What a start to my first mothers day.
Jake is working today so I don't get a break. My day has been good though. Vincent  has been quiet and behaving all day. Before Jake left for work he handed me an envelope that said Mommy. I opened it up and it was the sweetest mothers day card.

I Told Them So.

On Thursday evening, I decided to take Vincent for a walk around the neighborhood. When we was getting ready to go, he started screaming. Jake's mom asked me how often he screams like that and I told her it's about 80% of the time. We took our walk and when we came back Jake's mom and dad started lecturing us about how something is wrong with him. I kept saying I didn't think there was. He's my son and I'm always with him, I know him best. They kept going on to Jake as I went to another room to feed Vincent. I could hear them talking about how irresponsible we are being for not taking him to the hospital. I had an emotional break down because it was making me feel like a bad mother. After Vincent  finished eating, I tried to sit in living room with them but just couldn't. I told them I was going up to our room to put Vincent in the swing. I put Vincent in the swing and just broke down. When Jake came up, I buried my face in my knees so he wouldn't see me cry but he already knew. He told me that we were taking Vincent to hospital the next day so his parents can be sure that there was nothing wrong.

The next day, I called the pediatrician and explained that Vincent is screaming nonstop all the time. They had me bring him in so they could check him out. As I had told them nothing is wrong with him. They said he might be colic. However, he has a tooth trying to come through. When we told Jake's parents that the doctor said nothing is wrong with him they made up excuses like 'they didn't do every test, so they don't know if anything is wrong'. My goodness. I'm not a bad mom and I know nothing is wrong with my baby!